Have you ever been in a place in your life when the shadow of uncertainty seems to loom so heavily over you, you wonder if you will ever be able to outrun it? Change is inevitable in life. Without change I would never grow. Without growth, I would never develop character. Uncertainty is one thing I have had to get use to over the past year. To an extent, we all live our lives under the shadow of uncertainly. But when something beyond our relm of "normal" happens, and our uncertainty is exposed into direct sunlight, it is extemely humbling and makes us realize how much we need to completely turn our lives over to God. We have to trust that in a world of uncertainty, He is always certain.
As I prepare to move home, I am once again stepping into direct sunlight. I'm exposing the fact that I am scared to death of my uncertain future. I'm exposing that I have chosen to follow my heart with my career. I have given God control of the things in my life that, if given the choice, I would much rather have control over! I want to be financially secure, I want to find love again, I want to make my way in this world and leave my own legacy. But in each one of those areas, I am learning that it's not my life and my accomplishments, but rather, God's. I so desperately want to live His will, and do with my life what He wants for me. But to get to that point and discover His plan, I must trust that steping out of the shadow of uncertainty and into direct sunlight is a good thing.
One of the passions I have and something I feel like I need to do is write. I have so many thoughts and feelings in my head. So many joys, fears, frustrations, questions. I know that part of this journey, part of the things I have been through in my life, were preparation for my testimony. If I had to suffer, if I had to experience heartache and pain so that one day I could help someone else, then thats what was suppose to happen. I have accepted that. But I don't want it to be about me. I want it to be about what God can do through me. Thats the thought that keeps me grounded. But this is where the shadow of uncertainty comes into play. I don't know the timing of all of this. I don't know if or when I will have a published book. I don't know if it will support me financially. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that I have to do it. It's not an option. The thoughts and words put into my head are not mine. They are my life experiences, but not my words. Therefore I cannot keep them to myself. Although I do not know the outcome, I must expose this part of me. And as vulnerable as it might make me, I have to trust that God will protect me and guide my steps.
One of the most difficult parts of life to give to God, and face the uncertainty of, is love. This is especially difficult because I have experienced love, and I know love. There are times that the loneliness is so suffocating, so overwhelming, that I am affraid the depth of my sadness will drown me. Sometimes I ache so badly to be held. To be touched. To be looked at adoringly. Being lonely is a terrible feeling. Especially when I have so much love to give in return. I have learned over the past year that trying to fill that void in my heart with anything but God, is not only destructive, but leaves me feeling even worse than before. A very dear friend of mine, who is a very strong Christian woman, once told me that God can be to you everything a Husband would be. I can turn to God for financial stability. He will provide for me. I can turn to God's strength when I am weak. He will protect me. And I can sing to him in praise and worship when my heart is lonely. He will comfort me. And even as I type these things, and God is speaking through me, He is also speaking to me. He is slowly shining His light into the uncertainty of my lonely heart.
As I daily discover and grow and learn to accept uncertainty, I also learn that with uncertainty comes a greater need for faith. I have to have faith that God knows the desires of my heart. He made me. He created me. He knows what I want. I may be uncertain of what my future holds, but I am certain of what God has brought me though. And I know that He has never let me down. Even in my times of loneliness, in times of anger, in times of trust and untrust in Him, He has been there. You know how I know? Because He has given me the strength to come though some terrible things in my life and still have the desire and the ability to see how those situations can be turned around for good. Thats how I know that He is with me. And that is how I know that in a world filled with uncertainly, the one thing I can count on is that I am secure in my God. For He brought me through my past, He walks with my in my present, and He holds not only my future, but my eternity.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Square Diamonds
I honestly do not think I can put into words the feeling I am having right now. I'm writing this blog through streams of tears and shaking hands, so bear with me.
Tonight as I was packing up some of my stuff, getting it ready for my move home, I had the task of opening and re-organzing some of Michaels things. I have not opened his box of stuff in a long time, so I had forgotten what was in there. As I came to the bottom of the box, there was a bag of clothes and wrapped around it was a prayer blanket. As I was removing the prayer blanket, and reaching for the bag of clothes, I noticed something fall out of the bag. It was Michaels wallet. I had no idea it was in there.
Back up a few years...we are now in 2005. One night Michael was sitting in the hospital and we were talking about random things. I can't remember if we were dating at this point or just friends, either way, that is irrelevant. I said something about liking square diamonds. He told me he was going to remember that, and that one day it would come in handy. I laughed and said, "yeah right". I vividly remember that conversation for some reason.
As I opened Michaels wallet the song "Praise You in the Storm" came on my computer and it was just too much for me to handle. When I saw his picture and his signature on his drivers license, I just began to sob. I cried and cried and cried. He had his Medicaid card, his SS card, his UPS insurance card, and his drivers linense in there. And one dollar. As I sat there crying, looking through his wallet, I found a piece of paper folded up into a tiny little square. The paper had water damage and was so old I could barely open it. When I was finally able to carefully unfold it , it said, in my husbands handwriting....
"square diamonds"
Tonight as I was packing up some of my stuff, getting it ready for my move home, I had the task of opening and re-organzing some of Michaels things. I have not opened his box of stuff in a long time, so I had forgotten what was in there. As I came to the bottom of the box, there was a bag of clothes and wrapped around it was a prayer blanket. As I was removing the prayer blanket, and reaching for the bag of clothes, I noticed something fall out of the bag. It was Michaels wallet. I had no idea it was in there.
Back up a few years...we are now in 2005. One night Michael was sitting in the hospital and we were talking about random things. I can't remember if we were dating at this point or just friends, either way, that is irrelevant. I said something about liking square diamonds. He told me he was going to remember that, and that one day it would come in handy. I laughed and said, "yeah right". I vividly remember that conversation for some reason.
As I opened Michaels wallet the song "Praise You in the Storm" came on my computer and it was just too much for me to handle. When I saw his picture and his signature on his drivers license, I just began to sob. I cried and cried and cried. He had his Medicaid card, his SS card, his UPS insurance card, and his drivers linense in there. And one dollar. As I sat there crying, looking through his wallet, I found a piece of paper folded up into a tiny little square. The paper had water damage and was so old I could barely open it. When I was finally able to carefully unfold it , it said, in my husbands handwriting....
"square diamonds"
Thursday, March 6, 2008
For my husband
My dear Michael,
It has been almost one year since you left. It amazes me how fast this year went by, and yet, I would never want to relive one minute of it. You know that you were my all. You were my everything. The day I married you we became one and when you died, part of me died too.
You left such a beautiful legacy Michael. Your life has touched so many people in ways that you will never know. You inspire, you give hope, you still give love. More than anything, you taught me how to live my life, how to take this journey as it comes, and how to never ever give up. Because of you Michael, I have learned how to carry on, even if it has to be without you.
I know you are looking down at all of us right now. You can see how bitter sweet this month will be. We are so excited to have your CD. Finished and ready to go. But as we approach the one year mark of your death, with that comes a wave of sadness and emptiness. I have never felt your presence more than I did today, and yet have never been as lonely as I was today. Hearing your music and reading your words makes me miss you more than ever. I just want to talk to you. Just one more time.
I know you feel no more pain. You have no more sickness in your body. You can run and jump and play basketball. All the things you loved to do, but were taken from you here on earth. It makes me happy to know that you feel no sadness, you feel no anger. You only have joy and love. To me, that is a beautiful and comforting thought. Thats what helps me get through days like today.
I love you Michael. I am so honored and priveleged to have been chosen to be your wife. I would not trade a single moment I shared with you for anything. All of the fun we had. The days of high school inocense, the trails we went through as we entered adulthood, the hopes and dreams we shared on our wedding night, and the nights we just layed on the couch in the candlelight, never needing to say a word, because the love between us was stronger than any word could express. Through it all our love never faded. Our love never died. And it never will. You will forever be my soulmate. I know that you will watch over me always, and guide my steps though my days on earth without you.
I love you. And I miss you.
Your wife
It has been almost one year since you left. It amazes me how fast this year went by, and yet, I would never want to relive one minute of it. You know that you were my all. You were my everything. The day I married you we became one and when you died, part of me died too.
You left such a beautiful legacy Michael. Your life has touched so many people in ways that you will never know. You inspire, you give hope, you still give love. More than anything, you taught me how to live my life, how to take this journey as it comes, and how to never ever give up. Because of you Michael, I have learned how to carry on, even if it has to be without you.
I know you are looking down at all of us right now. You can see how bitter sweet this month will be. We are so excited to have your CD. Finished and ready to go. But as we approach the one year mark of your death, with that comes a wave of sadness and emptiness. I have never felt your presence more than I did today, and yet have never been as lonely as I was today. Hearing your music and reading your words makes me miss you more than ever. I just want to talk to you. Just one more time.
I know you feel no more pain. You have no more sickness in your body. You can run and jump and play basketball. All the things you loved to do, but were taken from you here on earth. It makes me happy to know that you feel no sadness, you feel no anger. You only have joy and love. To me, that is a beautiful and comforting thought. Thats what helps me get through days like today.
I love you Michael. I am so honored and priveleged to have been chosen to be your wife. I would not trade a single moment I shared with you for anything. All of the fun we had. The days of high school inocense, the trails we went through as we entered adulthood, the hopes and dreams we shared on our wedding night, and the nights we just layed on the couch in the candlelight, never needing to say a word, because the love between us was stronger than any word could express. Through it all our love never faded. Our love never died. And it never will. You will forever be my soulmate. I know that you will watch over me always, and guide my steps though my days on earth without you.
I love you. And I miss you.
Your wife
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Music
I wrote this blog two weeks after Michael passed away. It is the same writing that was put into the insert of his CD. Michaels CD release party is scheduled for June 8 at the Makoy Center in Hilliard, OH. It is going to be a CELEBRATION!!! So please, save the date of June 8th!!
Music has the abaility to carry us through the greatest and most difficult roads we come to in life. The journey to our final desination is paved with varrying outcomes. What matters most is what we choose to do with the road set before us. Michael Minton chose to take the high road. He chose life. He chose hard work. He chose to keep going, even if that meant taking a longer and more painful detour. He chose to win. And with that, Michael gave us all the gift of life. He taught us that death is not a final destination, but rather, the begining of an eternal journey. In this life and beyond, Michael Minton has given us the ultimate gift. His life. His love. His music.
Dancing in the Sand began long before it was manifested into album production.
While lying in a hospital bed, just after being diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer, Michael was asked to go to a place that brought him peace and comfort. He breathed deeply, closed his eyes, and was intimately drawn to a time and place a few years back. Michael saw himself standing on the porch of a beach house in North Myrtle Beach, a long time family vacation destination. He looked out over the water and saw the young woman who would eventually become his wife. As she danced freely on the beach, it was at that moment that the song Dancing in the Sand was inspired.
Taken from a writing found after Michaels death, he had this to say about his experience.
"Every morning Anya would get up and go out to the beach. I remember one morning I woke up early and came to the deck of the beach house. She never knew I was there, but I watched her all alone on the beach, so free and so alive. At that moment not having a care or fear in the world, she danced as if no one were watching. I have never to this day seen anything so beautiful or so inspiring."
Over the next few years, Michael began writing and creating music whenever he felt inspired. The passion he had for life flowed through his fingertips and brought his music to life. He played music whenever possible. It was his way of giving back. Through all of the struggles and pain, Michael never gave up his desire to create music. His goal was to leave the world a better place than it was when he came into it. His desire was to give love, share love and be love.
Dancing in the Sand is an outward reflection of Micheals inner talent, passion, life and love. It was his dream. He would be so proud to know that his dream became a reality. Michael will always live on through his music, and now it's our turn to take his example of strength and determination and live a life of love.
"Dance as if no one were watching."
Music has the abaility to carry us through the greatest and most difficult roads we come to in life. The journey to our final desination is paved with varrying outcomes. What matters most is what we choose to do with the road set before us. Michael Minton chose to take the high road. He chose life. He chose hard work. He chose to keep going, even if that meant taking a longer and more painful detour. He chose to win. And with that, Michael gave us all the gift of life. He taught us that death is not a final destination, but rather, the begining of an eternal journey. In this life and beyond, Michael Minton has given us the ultimate gift. His life. His love. His music.
Dancing in the Sand began long before it was manifested into album production.
While lying in a hospital bed, just after being diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer, Michael was asked to go to a place that brought him peace and comfort. He breathed deeply, closed his eyes, and was intimately drawn to a time and place a few years back. Michael saw himself standing on the porch of a beach house in North Myrtle Beach, a long time family vacation destination. He looked out over the water and saw the young woman who would eventually become his wife. As she danced freely on the beach, it was at that moment that the song Dancing in the Sand was inspired.
Taken from a writing found after Michaels death, he had this to say about his experience.
"Every morning Anya would get up and go out to the beach. I remember one morning I woke up early and came to the deck of the beach house. She never knew I was there, but I watched her all alone on the beach, so free and so alive. At that moment not having a care or fear in the world, she danced as if no one were watching. I have never to this day seen anything so beautiful or so inspiring."
Over the next few years, Michael began writing and creating music whenever he felt inspired. The passion he had for life flowed through his fingertips and brought his music to life. He played music whenever possible. It was his way of giving back. Through all of the struggles and pain, Michael never gave up his desire to create music. His goal was to leave the world a better place than it was when he came into it. His desire was to give love, share love and be love.
Dancing in the Sand is an outward reflection of Micheals inner talent, passion, life and love. It was his dream. He would be so proud to know that his dream became a reality. Michael will always live on through his music, and now it's our turn to take his example of strength and determination and live a life of love.
"Dance as if no one were watching."
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Control vs. Faith
So it's 1:23 am and of course, my mind will not shut off. Something that has been weighing on me for over a week now, has come to the forefront of my thoughts. It's like God set different actions in place, put the thoughts in my head, and tonight they just all came together.
I started thinking about my faith and how over the past few months I have grown as person, yet fallen back on my faith. And I am not talking about my faith in God or my belief in Him, but rather my faith in God's ability to cover me, provide for me, protect me. God has shown me so many things about why I am here, who I am suppose to be and what he wants me to do with my life. He has also opened a door for me to get there, but it was up to be to make the decision. Go with what was "safe" and what I could control, or let God take care of me and have faith that He was able?
I chose to be in control.
And thats where I found myself tonight... questioning my decision. Let me explain.
I got a VERY good job offer from Saks Fifth Avenue. I interviewed when I was back in Ohio last week, but didn't get the best feeling about the job. I came home from the interview and told my mom that I was unsure of the job, and that even if they offered it to me, I was not sure I would take it. Something just didn't sit right with me about it.
The next day I went to the salon I was working at when I left Columbus. Avola Lanza is the name of the salon, and the women I worked with were a God send in all I went through during Michaels last few months. When I went into the salon I immediately felt at peace and at home. It was an amazing feeling, almost like I had come full circle and was back where I belonged. The salon had room for me to return to work there, full or part time.
So here is where the safety factor comes in. Contol vs. faith. Saks is a "safe" job. A steady income, medical benefits, retirement plan, ect. Long term goals are endless. If I wanted a career in the corporate retail world, I could go very far with this company.
Thats when I really had to open my eyes and examine what I wanted out of life, and where I saw my life going. My goal in this life is not to achieve "status". I want to make a difference. I want to live a life of love. I want to be there for people, I want to share life with people...both the good and the bad. After Michael died, it was too personal for me to go back to doing hair. I had invested so much of myself on a personal level with my clients, that I was just emotionally exhausted. I felt I had nothing left to give, not until I got myself healed.
I also still have hopes that one day I will marry again, and have a family. I don't want to be in corprate America when I have my family. I want to be able to raise my children and take care of my family. When you become a widow, you instantly begin to develop "plan b", but in the back of your mind, you still have hopes and dreams for eventually having the life you always wanted. And for me, that life is a family.
There is one more thing that factors into this equasion. In all I have been through, and all that God has taught me, I feel like I need to take that and share it. I won't go into too much detail now, but I want to be sure I have time to write. Write a lot. I know now that thats part of this plan.
So I have before me a very steady, safe, lucritive job offer or a job that my heart is in 100%, but would require me to put all of my faith in God for financial peace. My eyes were open tonight that this was a little test from God. How much do you trust me? Have I ever let you down? Have I ever forsaken you? After talking to a very dear friend tonight, someone who is just beging his journey of widow(er), I realized that life is about doing what is in your heart. Its about giving it all to God and saying, "you do this, because I can't". And I have faith that if I give this all to Him, He will. He is able.
So I'm going to listen to my heart. I'm going to work at the salon full time, start writing my book, and have faith that all of this, like my life, is in God's hands.
I started thinking about my faith and how over the past few months I have grown as person, yet fallen back on my faith. And I am not talking about my faith in God or my belief in Him, but rather my faith in God's ability to cover me, provide for me, protect me. God has shown me so many things about why I am here, who I am suppose to be and what he wants me to do with my life. He has also opened a door for me to get there, but it was up to be to make the decision. Go with what was "safe" and what I could control, or let God take care of me and have faith that He was able?
I chose to be in control.
And thats where I found myself tonight... questioning my decision. Let me explain.
I got a VERY good job offer from Saks Fifth Avenue. I interviewed when I was back in Ohio last week, but didn't get the best feeling about the job. I came home from the interview and told my mom that I was unsure of the job, and that even if they offered it to me, I was not sure I would take it. Something just didn't sit right with me about it.
The next day I went to the salon I was working at when I left Columbus. Avola Lanza is the name of the salon, and the women I worked with were a God send in all I went through during Michaels last few months. When I went into the salon I immediately felt at peace and at home. It was an amazing feeling, almost like I had come full circle and was back where I belonged. The salon had room for me to return to work there, full or part time.
So here is where the safety factor comes in. Contol vs. faith. Saks is a "safe" job. A steady income, medical benefits, retirement plan, ect. Long term goals are endless. If I wanted a career in the corporate retail world, I could go very far with this company.
Thats when I really had to open my eyes and examine what I wanted out of life, and where I saw my life going. My goal in this life is not to achieve "status". I want to make a difference. I want to live a life of love. I want to be there for people, I want to share life with people...both the good and the bad. After Michael died, it was too personal for me to go back to doing hair. I had invested so much of myself on a personal level with my clients, that I was just emotionally exhausted. I felt I had nothing left to give, not until I got myself healed.
I also still have hopes that one day I will marry again, and have a family. I don't want to be in corprate America when I have my family. I want to be able to raise my children and take care of my family. When you become a widow, you instantly begin to develop "plan b", but in the back of your mind, you still have hopes and dreams for eventually having the life you always wanted. And for me, that life is a family.
There is one more thing that factors into this equasion. In all I have been through, and all that God has taught me, I feel like I need to take that and share it. I won't go into too much detail now, but I want to be sure I have time to write. Write a lot. I know now that thats part of this plan.
So I have before me a very steady, safe, lucritive job offer or a job that my heart is in 100%, but would require me to put all of my faith in God for financial peace. My eyes were open tonight that this was a little test from God. How much do you trust me? Have I ever let you down? Have I ever forsaken you? After talking to a very dear friend tonight, someone who is just beging his journey of widow(er), I realized that life is about doing what is in your heart. Its about giving it all to God and saying, "you do this, because I can't". And I have faith that if I give this all to Him, He will. He is able.
So I'm going to listen to my heart. I'm going to work at the salon full time, start writing my book, and have faith that all of this, like my life, is in God's hands.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Dreams
So over the last week I keep being woke up by these terrible dreams. They are dreams of people dying. Random people, no one I know. But they are awful deaths. Usually violent, freak accidents. Two dreams were someone getting hit by a car, and the third I can't remember. Anyone interpret dreams?? Why am I having these? It's scary. How do I make them stop??
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Spring Time
So I always used to look forward to spring time. New beginings, a fresh clean smell in the air, green grass. Spring is beautiful. It's like the light at the end of the tunel we call winter. Spring has always been a symbol of new life for me.
This year is very, very different.
It's so beautiful here in Phoenix. I mean, it's picture perfect. (Sorry Ohio, I know you are not there yet) There are flowers on the trees, bright blue skies with no clouds, and it's about 75 degrees everyday. It makes me want to call off work and spend every moment outside. I want to walk barefoot in the grass, take a blanket and a book to the park, hike and rollerblade. It inspires me and makes me feel ready for anything. There is no room at all for complaining or feeling down when you are surrounded by such beauty.
But the wierd thing is, the flowers, the smell of the air, the blue skies and sunshine; they all remind of where I was at this point last year. It's coming up on a year since Michael's death, and with that comes a rush of memories and emotion that I have not felt in a very long time.
Last year was so strange. After Michael died I felt a range of emotion. There were obviously nights of overwhelming lonliness and emptiness. Days I didn't want to get out of bed because I couldn't stand the thought of a day without him. And then there were times I felt ready to face the world head on, no matter what that meant or where it took me. Days I wanted to embrace my situation, as horrible as it was, and prove to myself and to everyone else that I could survive it.
Well, I did survive it, but not without many, many stumbling blocks.
I think thats the strangest part of the grieving process. It's such a roller-coaster. The smallest thing can trigger a painful memory, and two minutes later you can hear a song on the radio and feel ready to face the world again. It's like the most extreme feeling of being completely out of control. What I wanted was a step-by-step manual of how I would grieve. I wanted someone to tell me that week one I would feel this, week two I would feel this, week thirty I would feel this. Ha. That didn't happen.
So today as I was driving to work, I began thinking how wierd it was that the smell in the air could cause my mind to think as many things as it did. I felt sad. And happy. And hopeful. And then sad again. I never realized you could feel so many different emotions at one time. In a matter of seconds I went from missing my husband, to being homesick, to feeling hopeful about my future, to enjoying the weather, to thinking about how I was going to afford my move back home.
The next few months are going to be another big hurdle that I will have to get over. I have so many things to look forward to, but as I have learned in the last few days, so many painful things that will come back to me. I have to prepare myself for rough days. I have to embrace the good days. And be thankful that I have the opportunity to live through both.
This year is very, very different.
It's so beautiful here in Phoenix. I mean, it's picture perfect. (Sorry Ohio, I know you are not there yet) There are flowers on the trees, bright blue skies with no clouds, and it's about 75 degrees everyday. It makes me want to call off work and spend every moment outside. I want to walk barefoot in the grass, take a blanket and a book to the park, hike and rollerblade. It inspires me and makes me feel ready for anything. There is no room at all for complaining or feeling down when you are surrounded by such beauty.
But the wierd thing is, the flowers, the smell of the air, the blue skies and sunshine; they all remind of where I was at this point last year. It's coming up on a year since Michael's death, and with that comes a rush of memories and emotion that I have not felt in a very long time.
Last year was so strange. After Michael died I felt a range of emotion. There were obviously nights of overwhelming lonliness and emptiness. Days I didn't want to get out of bed because I couldn't stand the thought of a day without him. And then there were times I felt ready to face the world head on, no matter what that meant or where it took me. Days I wanted to embrace my situation, as horrible as it was, and prove to myself and to everyone else that I could survive it.
Well, I did survive it, but not without many, many stumbling blocks.
I think thats the strangest part of the grieving process. It's such a roller-coaster. The smallest thing can trigger a painful memory, and two minutes later you can hear a song on the radio and feel ready to face the world again. It's like the most extreme feeling of being completely out of control. What I wanted was a step-by-step manual of how I would grieve. I wanted someone to tell me that week one I would feel this, week two I would feel this, week thirty I would feel this. Ha. That didn't happen.
So today as I was driving to work, I began thinking how wierd it was that the smell in the air could cause my mind to think as many things as it did. I felt sad. And happy. And hopeful. And then sad again. I never realized you could feel so many different emotions at one time. In a matter of seconds I went from missing my husband, to being homesick, to feeling hopeful about my future, to enjoying the weather, to thinking about how I was going to afford my move back home.
The next few months are going to be another big hurdle that I will have to get over. I have so many things to look forward to, but as I have learned in the last few days, so many painful things that will come back to me. I have to prepare myself for rough days. I have to embrace the good days. And be thankful that I have the opportunity to live through both.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
I'm back....
Ok....
So after taking a hiatus from "blogging" I have decided to once again return to the blog.
Thats a funny word....blog. Who came up with that??
Anyways, after the comments I recieved about the piece on "Love" (posted on myspace), I have been thinking that maybe the things I have to say can positively affect someone. I won't always be serious. Some will be funny, some will make you cry. I'm sure some will be pointless. Either way, I have discovered that writing is one of my strengths and maybe God has a plan to use that??? Who knows. Regardless .......I'm back.
So if you are interested, bookmark this page. I will update often. Also, if anyone has any questions they want answered, a "blog provoking thought", anything....send it my way. If you ask, I will write. But word for the wise.....I'm going to be honest. I will not sugar coat anything. I have to be real, I have to be me. Even if it's painful or hard to read. Thats the best therapy for me, so if you don't want to know....don't read.
Anya
So after taking a hiatus from "blogging" I have decided to once again return to the blog.
Thats a funny word....blog. Who came up with that??
Anyways, after the comments I recieved about the piece on "Love" (posted on myspace), I have been thinking that maybe the things I have to say can positively affect someone. I won't always be serious. Some will be funny, some will make you cry. I'm sure some will be pointless. Either way, I have discovered that writing is one of my strengths and maybe God has a plan to use that??? Who knows. Regardless .......I'm back.
So if you are interested, bookmark this page. I will update often. Also, if anyone has any questions they want answered, a "blog provoking thought", anything....send it my way. If you ask, I will write. But word for the wise.....I'm going to be honest. I will not sugar coat anything. I have to be real, I have to be me. Even if it's painful or hard to read. Thats the best therapy for me, so if you don't want to know....don't read.
Anya
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